well, here we go again. another rousing game of act like a 2 year old. it would be funny if u knew what people really thought about you. but i guess thinking isnt one of your stronger abilities. i just dont understand why you have to be such a child. yeah, ok, ill be the first to admit that i deserve some shit, ok? ill admit that. but not from some random person whos looking for an excuse to get one person to like her. im done with being a punching bag for your anger problems.
i love sinead. more than myself, more than my family, more than all those people who pretended to care about me for so long. the mistakes i made in the past have made me more aware of what i have to do. ive given myself to her fully. i could never do that with anyone else because i knew id want it back. but i dont regret a single moment with her and i dont want a moment of any of the time we've had back. she makes me want to live my life, not end it. i dont feel an ounce of sadness around her. when we're apart, i feel empty, and i start to reminice. but she always comes back and makes me whole again. ive never had this with anyone.
who are you to tell me this is wrong? who are you of all people to make me feel guilty about the best thing ive ever felt? what gives you the right to fuck everything up with your words and accusations? why cant you say your bullshit to my face. why cant you look me in the eye and say you wouldnt have done the same thing. why do you bring your friends down?
what i wouldnt give to go back in time and erase you from my life. what i wouldnt give to go back in time and make the choice i should have made.
and i do blame myself. i blame myself for fooling myself into believing i was satisfied. i blame myself for getting to attached to the wrong people.
but i can never blame myself for making a mistake and i dont owe a single apology. let me be the first to say im sorry, just one more of my million lies ive told you.
you dont deserve my time in writing this. you really dont. ive forgotten what you were like, if u were ever really like it, before you turned into what you are now.
this time the jokes on you. this time im laughing all the way into her arms. i dont give a shit about your anger or your fucking overdramatics. im happy, im in love, im better off.
becuase in the end, all you have is bitterness, anger, and resentment, and i still have my friends, my happiness, my love, and my life. theres no better feeling in the world than the one i have right now knowing that tomorrow ill see her and ill hold her and ill kiss her and we will be totally and completly in love and theres not a fucking thing you can say or do or pray for or mutter under your breath or post on your fucking live journal that will make me think otherwise.
the easiest way to say it is "fuck you"
but ive never been one to take the easy way out of things and i like fighting battles i cant lose.
so have a great summer. and realize now that because of you, ive lost all desire to fix things in the least bit. you can blame yourself for all this.
all my love,